Apple, Meet Tree

Michael Jordan (left) shows his son (right) how it's done.

In High School You Were the Man, Homie.

What the fuck happened to you?

Temporary Hold

So, the timely updating of the world's greatest blog proved to be a much more time consuming endeavor than previously thought. We at Stay Chisel are on a temporary hiatus. In the meantime, check these Super Bowl bound Chicago Bears and get ready for the Bulls season. We'll be back right after we walk these dogs and shake these creditors loose.

A Loser Is A Loser

Great game, homo. There's a reason why you are playing in the MLS after two chances in Germany, and you showed it to the world today.

Also, the AARP called for Eddie Pope. Please give him the message.

Dance for Crack, Gator!

Sorry Samuel L. Jackson, it's been a nice run, but it's looking like your next stop is a straight-to-DVD banger with DMX. Hot on the heels of last summer's blockbuster The Man with Eugene Levy, comes Snakes on a Plane. Let us know if you can keep a straight face while reading the summary:

"Snakes on a Plane stars Samuel L. Jackson as an FBI agent who is escorting an eye witness on a flight from Hawaii to Los Angeles when a crimelord sets in motion the release of hundreds of deadly snakes on the commercial airplane in order to eliminate the witness before he can testify against him. The FBI agent must protect his witness while banding together with the pilot, frightened crew and passengers in a desperate attempt to survive."

Right about now, SamJax is blowing up Q.Tarantino's 2-way begging for him to consider making Pulp Fiction 2. Let's not forget that Jackson famously said that he would not make films with rappers, and then promptly shot the masterpiece XXX: State of the Union with Ice Cube and Xzibit.

Bottom line: Samuel L. Jackson is an over-rated clown whose career began and ended with Pulp Fiction. His Kangols and sunglasses are tired and he needs to quit making slop films. The next time this loser shows up on Inside the Actors Studio talking about "respecting the craft," remember who starred in Loaded Weapon I.

Chi-Town Fugaze

Rhymefest has released a mix CD called Plugg City: City on My Back that sports cover art featuring the city of Chicago. The B-side on Rhymefest's new 12" single is called "Chicago-rillas." We at Stay Chisel are confused. Although a one-time Chicago resident, Rhymefest has not lived here in years. He has called Indianapolis home for a while now. In a recent interview, 'Fest said of Indianapolis, "I like living here and I'm not moving." Huh?

Now, we're not trying to dis Rhymefest because he lives in Indiana. Although we are convinced his new album will hit the dollar bin with unrivaled velocity, Stay Chisel thinks he's a great rapper who is capable of knocking out hits (see, e.g., "Jesus Walks"). That said, at what point do you have to stop claiming a city you no longer live in? Stay Chisel believes that if you no longer maintain a residence in a city, you lose all privileges. Making your primary home in another state makes this an extra violation (with Kanye West being the originator of this offense).

The rationale for claiming Chicago is obviou$. Coming from Chicago, you can ride the goodwill generated by Kanye West, Twista, Lupe Fiasco and Common, while commanding the attention of the nation's third largest city. Coming from Indianapolis, you get to continue the incredible rap legacy of the Mudkids, while capturing the imagination of a city the size of Orland Park. See our point?

Rhymefest claims Chicago for marketing and credibility purposes and we think that's offensive. One Stay Chisel staffer used to live in Virginia, but you won't see us riding for Norfolk in these pages.

Again, Stay Chisel likes Rhymefest as an artist and by all accounts he's a nice guy. We'll even buy his CD when all of the promos hit the used section at Reckless Records. Honestly, we hope his album does really well. But, if we see him perform live and he tries to claim Windy City status, we're booing at high volume. We suggest you do the same until he quits lying or moves back to the city.

Kanye Hearts Genesis

Kanye West believes that the Arctic Monkeys sound like Phil Collins. Hmm. At what point can we write off any opinions this clown has, whether political or otherwise? Kanye has, on more than one occasion, cleared the wrong samples used on his albums. Why is this important? It demonstrates that, surprisingly, he knows very little about music. Kanye is probably still sampling Dug Infinite and No ID beat tapes rather than original records. Since no competent producer would ever overtly identify the samples used on his beat tapes, Kanye probably has no idea what he's sampling and relies on his untrained ear to figure out what's being sampled. Kanye is from Chicago, so Stay Chisel should be riding for dude, but fu*k that. We have standards.